Hey everybody. I'm Ethan, and I've been seeing the Popanator for awhile now. She's my little boo. I've taken to calling her Poppa, because of her cute little daddy fetish and the fact that she took my virginity the first time that we made love.
I have to admit that I was a little perturbed at first, because of her desire to have my fist up her rear end. But between the way she says horny as "hawnee" with her cute American South accent, and the way her warm intestines mold around my arm, I grew accustomed to it sooner than I would've imagined. I just think of it as reaching up her tender bum, to try and touch her heart in yet another way.
And the way she looked at me after I finally got the hang of using that lovely auger on her, I say… true love, thou art in my hands. Unfortunately, we haven't had much time for that sort of thing lately, on account of her deep sadness at the death of her beloved corn.
I fear that my love must go alone to visit her friend the cow. If any of you know what bastard might have torched my love's maize, do tell me so that I might challenge him on her behalf. A man must defend his woman's honor, you know!
Poppa showed me the most intriguing method of crafting a weapon with which to duel. All you have to do is mold your feces into a sword shape (which it often comes out as, anyway), sharpen it into something more befitting the sharpness of a blade, and freeze it. Then voila! A weapon fit for Ethan, the Popanator Avenger!