Sunday, May 12, 2013

Tard Story

I was thinking Friday, while I was working at the warehouse, about how much my life has changed. In the beginning of 2012, my life was nothing but observing one tard story after another. At work I babysat retards and I lived with my autistic brother Willie. My life now a days is tard free. I was pondering this at work when all the sudden I had to go to the toilet. It wasn't poopies like I wanted, but I still needed to take a piss.

In the shit house at work, we had to keep the light off when it wasn't in use. Whatever, I turned on the light and went into a stall. The next thing I know, my supervisor walked in and blurted out, "Hey who left the light on?!"

I shouted back from the stall, "I'm in here."

She said, "Okay...Uh, is everything okay?"

"Yeah, I'm good."

"Do you need any help?"

WTF?! I was freaked out at this point, but calmly said, "No, I"m good."

She just said, "Okay." The next thing I knew, the light was turned off and she left the bathroom. She's still more intelligent than the tards I worked with at the call center.

Friday, May 10, 2013

Delicate Poppy

Morning or evening (depending on where you live) my shiz biscuits. Now while I was out doing my tom fuckery, I ended up getting myself knocked up. I mixed some new DNA into my gene pool. Well, the baby daddy has freaked out and since left the country. Typical man, doing what they do best, running. Sigh, this isn't like Australia, to where if you were to try to run in a hurry there was no bordering countries.

Well, since I am a single mom...again... I did the only thing I can. I got this job thingie. I'm working in a warehouse. It is so much different than a whorehouse where I've worked in the past. I remember interning at the whorehouse before as "The Poopy Fister!". Sometimes, I miss the good old days of going around to customers asking who needed their poo holes cleaned.



Daaaammmn that bitch in the photo has a bigger poo hole than I do. She would make my hero, Goatse jealous. Now, what was I talking about, oh, working at a warehouse. Yeah, I get annoyed when people ask if I should be lifting boxes because I'm knocked up. Some people act like they are worried that if I lift something a baby would shoot out of my cunt like a rocket. If that was true, than poo would also shoot out of my poopie hole like a rocket. THAT WOULD BE AWESOME! When I pray tonight to the Great Almighty Poo, I will ask for poo powered rockets! Imagine the fun I would have. It would be like the 4th of July every day!!!


I must go now and pray. May the Great Almighty Poo bless each and every one of you. I hope he inspires me to greatness. I hope he inspires me to do something awesome like right the Bible of the Great Almighty Poo! I know he saved my life to do something great!!!!

Sunday, May 5, 2013

I'M BACK!

After a very long and grueling illness, I'm back!!! Come on, you didn't think a little bug could kill me, did you? Being in and out of hospitals since October has left me unemployed once more. Well, not for long, because I start a new job next week, but yeah, you get the point.

During my last stay at the hospital on April 4th, I was laying in bed, with an IV stuck in my arm, yet again.I haven't ate or drank in 5 days. Then I saw a vision, it look like the biggest poopie I've ever seen, specked in corn with a mouth that also had corn for teeth. The giant poo floated down from the ceiling on to my bed. I thought great, I've been off my psych meds so now I'm seeing things again. But, no, this was different. The poopie spoke to me. He had a loud booming voice and said, "Oh, great priestest of the Great Almighty Poo Church, I shall spare you. You will once again, be healthy! You must however, spread the gospel of the Great Almighty Poo!" The spirit  of the Great Almighty Poo floated into me, like you floating into me, or me floating into you.

I passed out. On April 5th, I woke up. I no longer felt the normal blinding pain stomach pain, I've been so used to. I actually ate and drank with no vomiting! The POO spared me! On April 6th, I went out for a walk. Yes, the sun was blinding and reflected off my pale, my face was still dry. Each day, I got healthier and healthier. I was back to enjoying delicious corn cobs! I was able to poo again! I once again had DELICIOUS CORN LADEN POO!

One month later, I feel about 10 years young than I had in years! It was a miraculous recovery! My doctor says my recovery was a little too miraculous. However, my psychatrist says I need to go back on my psych meds asap. Nah, I've been without them for a month.I don't need them! I'm full of the poo!