Tuesday, June 28, 2011

Barbie Teaches You How to Fist!!!



Here is an exciting video where this guy will teach you about fisting. In this hot movie Barbie is the star. She gets fisted analy and vaginally. MMMMmmmmm...... I'm still daydreaming of a man who will some day bend me over and fist my poopie hole until it bleds, and then use the blood as lube for the other end.

I fapped myself hard and fast. That doll is one little slut. I know, I've shoved her in every one of my orficies!!!! I wish she had orficies to fist!

Monday, June 27, 2011

Asspie Power!

Sometimes I forget how a person can have so many sides to their personality. Take my autistic brother Willie for instance. He's an ass pie with some superhuman abilities, but he's also kind of a dunce sometimes. I'm not calling myself a rocket scientist, although he might be able to pull that off. I'm just saying I have no idea how he got promoted the other day. See, Willie works for the same company I do, just in a different section. I work in the call center dealing with people who can't poop (poor souls), while he works in some office with computers and numbers and stuff.
He got promoted, people. I'm not happy about that. I mean, I hang out with Willie sometimes, and he's a pretty good brother but he's not that responsible. Sometimes we like to sit up on the hay bales and shoot pebbles out of our poopy holes. It's a neat little bonding ritual we've got, to see who can shoot stuff a little farther than the other can. I was impressed one time when he shot a bottle cap out of his ass, because those things chafe somethin' awful. He even made it spin somehow, which gave me some respect for the boy. I still call him a boy even though he's 30 years old- he earns it.
I don't see how he can make it to management. Willie's just so immature I can't see him managing anybody. He can't even make a sandwich for himself! He ties his shoes in sailor's knots, and half the time he ties them to his pant legs. I don't know how he manages that. It's like some kind of autistic mystery.

Wednesday, June 22, 2011

Blumpkin

Hey, everybody. I got this idea recently when I heard the word "blumpkin." I'd never heard it before, so I looked it up on Poopipedia and found that it means "giving oral sex while he sits on the toilet." That pretty much sounded like the best thing since urinal cakes, so I decided to try it out. Then I hit some bad feelings on that one. Who was I gonna suck off? I mean, there are lots of guys in the world, but it might be rude to just barge into a bathroom stall and starting sucking a guy off.

I mean, it's one thing to be a crazy sicko with a scat fetish, but I don't rape people. That just ain't right. While I considered who I'd give a blumpkin to, I decided to go to the poopy patch and gain some wisdom on my newest quest. While I was there, the ghosts of my corn gathered around me, and I heard them tell me to practice on a pumpkin. "A pumpkin blumpkin," I asked, a little weirded out that my dead, mind reading, talking corn would be rhyming something I hadn't even said out loud. But since I make a habit of listening to dead corn, I decided to practice my oral skills on a pumpkin.

I lowered to my knees, squishing softly in the mud as I crawled submissively to my little orange victim. How it was growing in June I don't know, but there he was. My hand went under him, to play with his pumpkin balls while I sucked on his stem. It was crunchy, but as hard as Ethan was the first time I licked his poopy hole. I just kept on sucking until my mouth got tired, because pumpkins are impotent or something.

Sunday, June 12, 2011

Pogo Stick

Hey, everybody! It's time for another little shit filled adventure. Today I'm gonna talk about what happened when I went to the flea market today. They don't sell actual fleas, but I let that slide when I found out some of the neat stuff they do sell, like pogo sticks. Now, your traditional pogo stick has handlebars, which makes it too wide to properly shove into even the most forgiving poopy hole. I know mah fist fits up there easily enough, but hot damn! Those handlebars would even scrape my insides! Using your pogo stick "stock" would be some seriously Olympic fisting- if you can do that, send me a video!


So I picked up a pogo stick, and bounced around contemplating how I might make some poopy fun with it. So I asked my autistic brother Willie to take off the top, and affix something a bit more fistable onto the top. You know how ass pies are- they can fix anything! He let me play with his deep fryer while I waited (mmm, deep fried poopies- a delicacy in some countries), and when he got done there was a giant round knob, like some kind of bannister topper like you'd see on a staircase attached to my pogo stick.

The boy's got style. I would've just put a dildo on there, but Willie knows it's a rare dildo that can satisfy the Popanator. So I mounted that giant knob, and it slid in like the head of some gigantic African cock- Oooooh! I bounced my little legs up and down, and got to bouncin' on that thing. God, it made me wet, watching my sweet, gooey pooey juices leekin' down the body of my pogo stick while my slutty legs bounced in the air. Fuck- I'm gettin' wet just thinkin' about it.


Sunday, June 5, 2011

Kristy Kreme

Ethan has been calling me lately. He says BS like he misses me. Still wants to be friends. The retard even offered to help me move Saturday. I was all up and raring to go to move out of daddies house and to get a trailer in the park next to his. For reasons I don't understand, he wants me to live near him, but never with him. Would not make a committment.

Whatever, I understood if he wanted to go slow, so okay, I agreed. I'll gove over the trailer park's manager and give up these dreams of building my castle. I'll do what he says because he supposidly loved me so much. Saturday was the big move day. I had it marked on my calendar with a heart around it of my own poo. I'll get all this shit out before daddie would notice. But, at the last minute he gave me a bullshit story of moving out a realtive.

That tears it. The bastard supposidly still loves me at times, and other times he said he wasn't sure about a committment. I decided to go and see what the hell was *really* going on. I snuck over to his trailer park yesterday afternoon and looked in his window. I had to know for myself. I had to know if he really wanted me back or if he was really fucking with me. I saw what I figured was going on.

Yup, his dick was in another woman's poo hole. Better to find this out now, before later. I realized I was wrong. This douche was not really my soul mate. He was just playing me, like he always was. I left sadly, but still happy I found out before ruining my life.

I sat in my car crying. Then the trailer park whore came over to me and asked what was wrong. She is called Kristy Kreme around the park. It is because she is always filled with man creme. In her poo hole in her vagoo. To cheer me up she let me lick that poo hole and vag hole between clients. Man, that cum slut is so lucky. Mmmm... I love cum laden poo. She even had extra vag cheese MMmmm.... Her ass buffett was a delicacy. Everything that can cum out of a vag or shit hole I ate and ate.

I don't know if I'll ever find my soul mate or true love.But, luckily I found out it isn't Ethan. I know my true love is out there. I'm glad I didn't waste my life or money buying a trailer sitting at home waiting for him, while his poopie hole gets plugged my another fist. C'est la vie.