Thursday, June 6, 2013

Rental Property

My big gapping cunt hole and poopie hole used to be prime rental properties. I had no problems finding renters before 2011. I was always at full occupancy. Back in the day, I had so many renters, I made sure my property looked nice, was always mowed and I always had a supply of ointment for those nasty infections I would get once in a while.

2011-2013, I was in a relationship. Sure, my rental property only went to two renters. When one moved out the other one moved in. I kept the grass cut, still made sure it was clean, hell it was cleaner! I wasn't getting paid rent sadly, but I was still happy. I made sure I got in relationships with men who took good care of the property.. or so I thought.

2013--onwards! The last asshole tenant, left his shit on my property! No-one want anything to do with it. He fled to Canada, so he doesn't have to pay for damages. I can't even get anyone to look at this shit for free. I can't even get a one night stand. I'm almost lonely enough to pay someone to just go in the rental property like old times and mess around.

I don't mind being single. Men are a pain in the ass anyways, but sometimes, my gaping cunt and my poopie hole need a little something. Now, the rental property is condemned, and I don't bother mowing the fucking grass. Why bother? The property can't be rebuilt until October.

Over Grown Yard

Wednesday, June 5, 2013

Fun With Condoms

Well, shiz bisques, I think my doctor is going to put me on psych meds again. I just got so tired of being reminded about condoms (since I USE THEM) preventing pregnancy. Here is a conversation I had with a nurse before getting yet another cunt exam.

The fat ass nurse with an annoying voice said, "Well, if you aren't using protection, then you are just trying to get pregnant."

Being sick of hearing this, "You know condoms are only 99% effective if used properly. Meaning, with all the sex I've had in my life, my number was due to come up again."

The nurse not wanting to hear this said, "Condoms only work if you use them! They don't work if you leave them on your night stand!" Why is it idiots think condoms are the end all to everything avoiding pregnancy? Even your seasoned hookers who use condoms every time end up with at least 1 or 2 nasty surprises in their life.

I finally got fed up and spoke up. "You know, condoms are only 99% effective. So is shooting yourself in the face with a shot gun to commit suicide. Most of the time, you get what you want. 1% of the time you end up with a bloody life changing mess." She walked out quietly. Now, the doctor is wanting me to go back on my meds.

Monday, June 3, 2013

Nick Bate

Hey, Shiz Biscuits! I've been searching high and low on Twitter for someone who loves the POO as much as I do. I found him. There is this autistic (yes, it always has to be autistic) man on Twitter who is in love with everything fecal and scatological. His name is Nick Bate and he wishes he was in a more fecal friendly land called Canada. Hey, I think that's where my baby daddy fled to. He's probably living it up right now, in his diapers smearing shit on igloo walls. *sigh*

Now, more about the man of the hour: NICK BATE

Here is his Twitter account:

Sexy Photo:

The tinfoil hat is a fashion statement and it also keeps the government from reading your brainwaves. I have a few of my own.

Favorite Party Game: Musical Anuses!  "anal orgy wherein men circle aroond women while music plays. When the DJ stops it (at random) they must do the nearest butt. Each roond there is one less female than male, so whichever male is last to get his penis in a rectum is disqualified."

Religious Beliefs: "The world must realize that sex is the Lord's gift to mankind and that anal, the most intimate act, is the ultimate expression of Love. To refuse engaging in anal intercourse with one's soulmate is the rejection of God's gift. Abstinence from anal is the wickedest sin of all."

He also loves the letter "o". It is the one that looks closest to a poopie hole. Maybe he never saw *.

Prophesy of Nick Bate: "The Prophet is charged with a Holy Crusade by The One Who Is Known as I Am. The Penetration of the Anus will usher in a new Age of Peace. She who shares the bodily waste of the Prophet's earthly vessel will be the Vice Queen of the Holy Kingdom of Sodomia in the New Age The descendants of Sodomia, birthed by the Prophet and his wife shall inherit the Earth in preparation for the Advent of the Messiah. The Sodomites will prosper on Earth and in the Kingdom of Heaven for all Eternity! Faram."

I don't know if the Great Almighty Poo would approve. He's more into fecal matter than sodomy. However, Nick's page is worth a read.