Poopie Society

I was watching an educational TV program again (because knowledge is a very important thing to me), and I heard a term that sounded pretty neat- the Groom of the Stool. Believe it or not, back in the olden days the sons of powerful noblemen would be the king's personal secretaries- and needless to say, kings being busy and powerful men, it also involved wiping their asses. I never would have thought of that! Poopy guards! They were a little bit like those gong farmers (they called shit "gong" back in those days- not sure why, I can't get mine to make a sound) who worked at night collecting all of the poopies from the people of the town.
I think, and I should definitely investigate this further, that this was actually the work of a poopy secret society. Think about it- the most powerful men collected the royal poopies from the king's arse itself, while the regular knight errants of the Order of the Brown Throne (that just sounded good to me) took it away, perhaps to trade with foreign powers. After all, poopies are just like brown gold, except that those cash for gold places don't pay you anything for them.

I'm thinking that the fact that even if you spray paint the poopies gold they won't get you any money is a modern day extension of the Order of the Royal Steamers, and their desire to collect all of the world's poopies and use them for whatever secret purposes they have. I finally get it! It all fits together perfectly! I have a unifying theory of shit! Take that, Stephen Hawking!