Here is my speech and advice I give to all of you. www.madglibs.com helped me with this one:
Ladies and gentlemen of the Poopie of 69: Wear Corn.
If I could offer you only one tip for the future, Corn would be it. The long-term benefits of Corn have been proven by Whore, whereas the rest of my advice has no Fist more reliable than my own Brown experience. I will Fuck this advice now.
Enjoy the Condom and Corn Laden Poo of your youth... oh, never mind. You will not understand the Condom and Corn Laden Poo of your youth until they`ve Fisted. But trust me, in 45 years, you`ll look back at Shits of yourself and recall in a way you can`t Eat now how Delicious you really looked. You are not as Corn Laden as you imagine.
Don`t worry about the Poo. Or worry, but know that worrying is as effective as trying to Squat a/an Poopie Hole equation by Humping Dildo. The real Shittles in your life are apt to be things that never Eated your worried Poopie Hole, the kind that Dancing you at 6 on some Autistic Tuesday. Do one thing every day that Fucks you. Tard Out. Don`t be Smelly with other people`s Testicles. Don`t put up with people who are Smelly with yours. Rolls.
Don`t waste your time on Computer. Sometimes you`re Yellow, sometimes you`re Red; the Period Blood is long, and in the end, it`s only with your Tampon. Remember Poo Bears you receive. Forget the Nuts. If you succeed in doing this, tell me how. Keep your old Retards; throw away your old Chimpanzees. Spray.
Don`t feel Wet if you don`t know what you want to do with your life. The most Chocolatey people I know didn`t know at 6 what they wanted to do with their lives. Some of the most Chocolatey 7-year-olds I know still don`t. Get plenty of Fists. Be kind to your Tits - you`ll miss them when they`re gone.
Maybe you`ll Slap, maybe you won`t. Maybe you`ll have Milk Droppings, maybe you won`t. Maybe you`ll Lap at 40, maybe you`ll dance the Licious Dog on your 75th Corn Kernal anniversary. Whatever you do, don`t Pick Up yourself too much, or Shit yourself, either. Your choices are half Coffee. So are everybody else`s.
Enjoy your Brown Crayon. Use it in every way you can. Don`t be afraid of it or what other people think of it; it`s the greatest Fingernail Polish you`ll ever own. Sniff. Even if you have nowhere to do it but your Bathroom. Read the Mexicans, even if you don`t Hump them. Do not read Fap Cup magazines; they will only make you feel Mother Fucking Licious.
Get to know your Brothers. You never know when they`ll be Autistic for good. Be nice to your Fathers. They`re your best link to your Condom and the people most likely to Suck with you in the Retard. Understand that friends Fling and Sing, but with a/an Retarded few, you should Shit. Work hard to Scratch the gaps in Crab and Pussy Dripping, because the older you get, the more you need the Fap Rags who Scratched you when you were Lovely.
Live in Popanator's Hole once, but leave before it makes you Awesome. Live in Gopher Hole once, but leave before it makes you Large. Jive. Accept certain Stupid truths: Retards will rise, Whores will philander. You, too, will get Lovely. And when you do, you`ll fantasize that when you were Gay, Retards were reasonable, Whores were noble, and children respected their Faggots. Respect your Faggots.
Don`t expect anyone else to Fist you. Maybe you`ll have a Poopie; maybe you`ll have a/an Delicious spouse. But you never know when either one might Hump. Don`t mess too much with your Poopie Hole or by the time you`re 654 it will look 5. Be careful whose advice you Eat, but be patient with those who Lick it. Advice is a form of Poop; Fucking is a way of fishing the Corn from the Great Almighty Poo, wiping it off, Corn Diving over the Fast parts, and Fucking it for more than it`s worth.
But trust me on the Corn.
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