Friday, January 6, 2012

Candy Cane Storage

Hey, everybody. It's Willie the aspie, and I wish Poppy would get on assigning us different usernames. I hate being called "Admin," but whatevsies. When the holidays come around, I think it's a great time for a little winter cleaning. While my ass is usually clean, partly due to Poppy's diligent fisting and partly due to the cleansing effect of my unicycle, Poppy's sometimes leaves a bit to be desired. I know, she fists her shit hole every day -- it should be clean enough to eat off of, no pun intended. But the sad fact of the matter is, anuses are dirty places. And given Pop's risky lifestyle, hers is actually worse off than that of a basically normal person like me.

So I approached Poppy the other day and asked her about her shit hole. She beamed at me, but her smile faded a bit when I suggested that her ass could probably use a good, hygienic cleaning. I was shocked to learn that she doesn't brush her ass at all, though her enjoyment of thongs does give it an adequate level of flossing. Luckily for her, I used to sweep the chimney at dad's farm, so I had an appropriate brush. Yeah, I take a giant brush with my everywhere I go -- like a scotsman with his claymore, I don't feel safe unless my weapon is close at hand 24/7.

I instructed Poppy to bend over, which in retrospect I probably shouldn't have, since we were in the parking lot of a grocery store. I just don't think about things like context, but apparently stuff like that is important to those inferior neurotypical types. Whatevsies. I gave her a good scrubbing out, and I was appalled at the condition of her rectum. She's been using it like a purse! I was all, "Poppy! You can't be storing candy canes in your shit hole!" She just kept giggling like a fool. There was all kinds of makeup, brushes and other girly junk in there, but I made certain to pull everything out of her ass that didn't belong there. If there's a lesson to be learned here, it's that your ass ain't for storage. And that you shouldn't empty your rectum all over a parking lot when a bunch of moms are grocery shopping with their kids.

No comments: