Fistmas is the most beautiful time of the year. People actually came to my door to sing songs today, and I gave them a lovely, steamy bowl of poopies. They were so moved, they cried out in joy and started running around like roaches in a toilet bowl. I tell ya, the Fistmas spirit took them like I'd never seen before. Well, I saw Ethan get that "moved" before, but that was during sex. These are either some extremely devout Fistmas followers, or some extremely hawnee people, I'm not sure which. I guess that could be the same thing.
But anyway, I've decked the halls, and gotten such great Fistmas gifts. I only wish I could've stuffed the entire tree up mah poopy hole- that would have truly been a Fistmas miracle. I mean seriously, that tree is taller than I am- it would've come out my mouth like the time I swallowed that toilet brush and got really intense hiccups.
I've gained a little weight this Fistmas season, too. Although I'm gonna be eating leftover maggots and dead cats for awhile (I got A LOT of them), they make very nice side dishes with mah poopy meals. Yep, the old Popanator eats more than just the shit on mah knees. You know it's important to take care of yourself, especitally around the holidays. So it's good to have nice, balanced meals that deliver plenty of nutrition, especially poopy power.
Now if you'll excuse me, Ethan has some especially musky mistletoe he'd like to kiss me under. I know where that's been... hehe.
Last chance to get the perfect Fistmas gift!