Wednesday, June 22, 2011

Blumpkin

Hey, everybody. I got this idea recently when I heard the word "blumpkin." I'd never heard it before, so I looked it up on Poopipedia and found that it means "giving oral sex while he sits on the toilet." That pretty much sounded like the best thing since urinal cakes, so I decided to try it out. Then I hit some bad feelings on that one. Who was I gonna suck off? I mean, there are lots of guys in the world, but it might be rude to just barge into a bathroom stall and starting sucking a guy off.

I mean, it's one thing to be a crazy sicko with a scat fetish, but I don't rape people. That just ain't right. While I considered who I'd give a blumpkin to, I decided to go to the poopy patch and gain some wisdom on my newest quest. While I was there, the ghosts of my corn gathered around me, and I heard them tell me to practice on a pumpkin. "A pumpkin blumpkin," I asked, a little weirded out that my dead, mind reading, talking corn would be rhyming something I hadn't even said out loud. But since I make a habit of listening to dead corn, I decided to practice my oral skills on a pumpkin.

I lowered to my knees, squishing softly in the mud as I crawled submissively to my little orange victim. How it was growing in June I don't know, but there he was. My hand went under him, to play with his pumpkin balls while I sucked on his stem. It was crunchy, but as hard as Ethan was the first time I licked his poopy hole. I just kept on sucking until my mouth got tired, because pumpkins are impotent or something.

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