Wednesday, November 23, 2011

Upper Decker

My toilet was getting fucking awesome. I haven't cleaned it in over a month, because I was using it to make jenkem. For those who don't know, jenkem is fermenting delicious corn laden poo for days and days to sniff it to get high. It really works. Unfortunately, my ass ended up, yet again and rehab last week. I was in the psych ward for, fuck I don't remember how many days. I was chained to my bed and twitching. I had to be accompanied going poopie to make sure I don't sniff it. I felt like I was going to starve. My main food source was gone.

I admit, I've been using jenkem as a crutch. I would sniff that shit and get high. I would see things like the Great Almighty Poo. He would talk to me and give me visions of the future. A future filled with corn. Even my poopies talked to me before I ate them. I was a jenkem junkie not doing anything but sniffing the toilet bowl. My toilet was caked in an inch of fudge. Smelling mother fucking delicious!

I was finally let out of the hospital. I was still shaking and very very hungry. They would not let me eat my poopies. I had to flush them. I didn't even get to say goodbye. It broke my heart to just waste something so wonderful. I went back to my tiny bathroom at my daddies house. My daddie cleaned the toilet. Something he would never do. A white porceline toilet. The bathroom was spotless!

I can't live like this! I mean, I did learn in rehab not to ferment poopies and sniff them just for the high. However, I can't be poopie free. Its like wine is just fermented grapes, right? If you are an alcoholic you can still have grapes.

I came up with a solution to get my toilet poopie in a jiffy. I just sat on the tank and went poopie. Then I flushed it and toilet water was the beautiful brown! I do understand poopies are food, not drugs. But, nothing is more beautiful than brown water!

Stay sober and remember poopies are just for food. However, I do miss my talks with the Great Almighty Poo. I wonder if I will ever see him for real.

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