I went to church the other day. You know, Sunday is supposed to be holy or something. I don't know if they shortened that from “poopy holey,” because I think it's pretty catchy. But I walked in there for shits and giggles, which is kind of my whole life. I went in there thinking maybe it'd be neat to be all religious and shit, because people seem to be happy when they're in church. But then I realized how boring the whole thing was. I walked in and sat down, and it got really quiet like it does before golf or something.
Then people started chanting and singing and stuff, which was annoying. They were kind of quiet but they were still really boring sounding. They must've sang like four songs. Then the guy in the fancy robes started talking about this and that, and try as I might I couldn't change the channel. I just thought he was like one of those boring lecture guys you hear on the radio, but then he got into passing out these weird chamber pots. Finally! Something I understood. So when the pot came to me, I squatted down and took a nice big poo right into it. Naturally, this got me everyone's attention, because we all know the Popanator is the queen of poo.
The funny part was, despite my super-impressive turd, I guess it wasn't enough for their tastes. They all started yelling at me and told me to leave. It kinda hurt, and I felt all vulnerable because my shit wasn't good enough for them. I cried all the way home and I felt worthless, like the cream of my colon just wasn't right. So I tell you guys what. I'm going to start my own church, the Church of Poopy. The Great Almighty Poo, by all his names, will welcome ALL the shit-worshippers of the world. Black, brown, green, even those funky exotic shades of poo will be welcome without prejudice. We are all equal in poopies!