Willie Discovers Spiders!

Hey guys, it's Willie again. I guess Poppy told you guys that I got promoted, and that's cool. I like being able to do something for money that doesn't involve selling a piece of my ass or collecting rents from anybody. Collecting of any kind is not that much fun, 'cause I'm heterosexual by nature. Of course, there are times when I enjoy a little ass action, maybe asstion or something? I don't know. I don't get that deep into it all, but I do know I did something kinda funny with my ass the other day. I guess Poppy goes on and on to you guys about how she's always fisting shit holes, whether it's her own or anybody else's who gets in her path. If she can fist a shit hole, she pretty much does. It's damn annoying living and working with somebody who's always trying to fist everybody. I'm glad I'm not her boss, or I would've had to put a stop to that all the time. But whatever- back to what I did with my ass. Don't worry, everybody, it doesn't involve any fisting. My ass is exit only unless it's a desperate financial situation. See, I was wipin' the other day, as I typically do after taking a shit, and I saw this spider on the wall. It was a tiny little thing and I hate spiders, so I took the tp and just squashed it. Now, I'm not one for wasting things, so I went ahead and wiped my ass with the spider paper. And that gave me an idea... I went on down to the pet shop and bought one of those spiders that's the size of a dinner plate, all nice and hairy. They call it a goliath tarantula, but I didn't plan to hit it with stones. I took that boy home and started wipin' my ass with him like he was half a roll of tp. You should've seen that thing scurry around, all shitty and spidery. It's nice to hold some dominion over an animal sometimes. Thing about the spider is, I liked how his little tiny hairs really scraped lots of shit out of my crack. His thorax was the perfect shape to just slip right through there, and I think what they say about spiders releasing a chemical irritant is overstated, because it felt kinda nice. It even gave me a nice scratch across my taint, so ooh baby. Best $20 I've spent in years. Of course, it's a good thing I got a raise with my promotion. Maybe next I'll duct tape him to a frisbee.

Ethan's Bitchy Rant

Okay, so my bitchy whiny ex wants to share his side of the story. So here it is. Just a shitload of BS though, so you may not want to read it.

I am fucking sick of the Popanator! She really fists my shithole the wrong way, and she doesn't even bother to push it back into my bung hole when she's done with it! That little cunt expects me to lick her burger ass, save all the corn from her shit from her, and then expects me to eat nothing but her leftover brown nuggets! GAAAAAH! Fuck shit ass cock NASTY MUFFINS! Is it too much for a man to get a proper meal every so often? SHE DOESN'T EVEN SHARE THE CORN!!!!11!!!

And now I'm writing like she does...


It's Ethan again. I am fed up with Poppy and her self-important, shit-eating grin. That girls just sits around all day in her fucking feces like a do-nothing welfare case, and I've had it. I might live in a trailer, but at least I pay my bills there. That little good-for-nothing shit-sucker just lounges around her "daddy's" house (and I'm not even sure if they're related), doing whatever she pleases while the rest of us work our asses off. What an aristo-bitch!

We got into an argument the other day because I want her to live on her own, and occasionally eat a meal that hasn't come out of someone's ass. I mean, I'm all for a little poop-consuming, but NOT FOR EVERY GOD DAMN MEAL! For the love of fucking Christ! By the big bloomin' shithole! It's just not right for someone to eat feces for every damn meal. I mean, she has GENERATIONS of shit between her teeth! GAAAAAAH!

Plus, she just sits around her daddy's house all day, and then wonders why I get pissed off. She had to hide me from him- he didn't want her dating or something like that. She's 24 years old! I stopped living with my parents when I was 23, which means EVERYBODY should do that! I'm GLAD she dumped me, and I'm GLAD you doesn't wanna see me again. I think I'm going to go fuck a hundred other women, and eat a giant STEAK that has nothing to do with shite whatsoever. AND I'LL LOVE EVERY FUCKING MINUTE OF IT!

Poll Results!!!

You asked for it so here it is:

A pic of the Popanator. And here is a pic of my poopie hole:


Enjoy!

Here is my store with shit on sale!