There is only one way to get over a soul mate. I've been pondering a long long time on this topic and I already know the answer! You get over losing a soul mate by changing your soul! Okay, poopie freaks, if this is too serious for you, you may want to skip to the next post.
I am posting this today, because it weighed heavily on my mind since I first woke up. I have been working really hard on, well, for lack of better words "fixing myself". It has been 85 days since I first started this process. In this time I have not only found independence but I've experienced emotions I never thought I could. I've gotten over fear and learned to live how to live fearless. I've experienced joy and the crushing since of heartache. Severe heartache, the type where you don't want to get out of bed in the morning to go to work and school. But you know what, I still do it.
Now, my point. I believed I had a soul mate. Maybe at that time in my development, he was. I know, I know I was sadly mistaken. I was trapped in a situation I could not grow. If you get told over and over again you are a useless piece of shit (not the good kind) you start to believe it. If you get told over and over again you will not amount to anything and that you are not even worth saving, you believe that too. I sincerely believe it took divine intervention for me to stand up and say:
I escaped... barely. I won't get into that part. Yes, sometimes I still think about my old soul mate. Part of it is longing for an easier time. But seriously, writing this out is therapeutic. What kind of retarded bullshit makes me want to go back just to be yelled at and put down. No wonder why I had to have something numb the pain all the time.
Holy fucking shit! I'm insane. Right now, I am in a place, and yes I am independent something I thought I could never be. Not only am I surviving, I am thriving. I am getting healthier. My skin has colour! Its no longer a sickeningly pale shade of white. I have friends who care about me. Most importantly I care about me.
The nervous breakdown I had in April was a gift. If I would not have gotten fed up and told the people in my life I am not going to take it anymore, I would not have all that I have now. Yes, I am poor, but I can put money into savings today. I have little, but it is mine. Most importantly I have self-respect. I love myself and respect myself.
I read a Facebook post about me weeks ago about how I am unable to take care of myself. I can laugh at it today. I read lots of lies about me on Facebook. Accusatory slandering stuff. Today, I don't need to worry about it. The people who know me and love me as a person knows its just lies.
Yes, this year I've lost a lot. I've lost my sense of security. My "soul-mate" decided to turn on me. I'm still having rumours get back to me. However, I was shocked when young man told me he was glad he got to know me first before listening to the rumours. I was touched. There are still good people out there.
I am still learning and still growing. I know I have a lot of growing I need to do. Sometimes my soul will yearn for the past, but I have a better future on the horizon. Yes, it is a lot of hard work, but it is worth it. I am getting better each day. My soul is changing and growing.
Thank you for those who read to the end. I just needed to get this off my chest. Now, I feel a lot lighter and could go back to writing something a lot funnier.